Saturday, 28 October 2006

I'm coaxing myself through this experience by removing myself from what most would consider a 'normal' social life. This writer from Busan, where I currently resides, rings quite true in his writing.

Excerpt from Rolf Potts, Henry Miller School of Overseas Living for Misanthropes

"Before long, I'm drinking a beer and chatting with a table full of Canadian English teachers. All of them, it turns out, are in debt from college, worried that they aren't living up to their self-perceived notions of mid-20s success, and embroiled in a love-hate relationship with Korea. This recalls my own situation 10 years ago, and I'm reminded why—beatnik pretensions aside—expats spend so much time in bars. For these young teachers, many of whom are working their first real job, life in a crowded Asian city can be alienating and stressful. Korean social expectations can be confusing, teaching hours can be exhausting, and simple privacy can be hard to come by."

posted by: Pensare at October 28, 2006 21:33 | link | comments |

Friday, 20 October 2006

Random Thoughts.

(1) OK, I'm a bit concerned about NK. See, this Monday there was a training exercise, just didn't know it was drill. Sirens going, traffic stopped. I was in the cab on my way to work. In typical broken communication, I pulled from him the delay was because of "airplane", "war", and "Kim Jong Il". After a few text messages to Koreans, figured out it was a drill.

(2) After Beirut, I'm worried about my government's ability to evacuate us if necessary. Nonetheless, I've searched for the Embassy evacuation plans. I just find the SKs to be very ignorant in regards to the regional situation. While I understand they have always lived with the 'danger' I don't think they understand escalation of tensions.

besides politics...

(3) I'm challenging myself to find one thing that really makes me happy. Haven't come up with much yet. Hmm...let's try...bookstores, coffee, large bodies of water, Peter Gabriel's music (especially live recordings), Bloody Marys, OP/ED Columns, and conspiracy theory (particularly 9/11)

posted by: Pensare at October 20, 2006 01:05 | link | comments (1) |

Tuesday, 17 October 2006

Still awake...

This night I really am kept awake by my thoughts, unable to sleep. I had brushed my teeth and all, but in the darkness too much came rushing forth. So, here I am at the cafe 1am. Damn, maybe I should be medicated. I could give a laundry list of what is wrong with me, but it's much too depressing. It's a bit of everything. Will I ever become a neat person? Pay all my bills off? Find some direction? Quit smoking? Fill this massive void? Every night, every single one, is a struggle.

I just don't understand why. Sure, I've had my set-backs and fuck-ups, but so has everyone else. Why do my mishaps plague me? I'm sounding whiny right now, and I hate it. I hate who I am day to day and I just don't see it getting better. I have tried, but I feel like I go down deeper and deeper. Really, couldn't it be some imbalance?

It's amazing, I was such a well adjusted teen, and very stable in my college years. I think it gave me a false sense of security.

posted by: Pensare at October 17, 2006 01:58 | link | comments |

Thursday, 12 October 2006

Boom!

So, the other night I actually had a dream that I was in the US thinking of moving to Korea. It was the oddest feeling in those first few moments of waking, remembering I was in Korea. I have reached that point, where returning to the US would be going back to a life that is no longer mine. Odd how quickly that happens.

Well, things are 'supposedly' heating up over here with the recent nuclear test. Hardly so. In my mind, it's a whole lot of grand standing. The world doesn't want NK to have nukes for fear of an Asian build-up. The people of NK, in the meantime, only want food. Hell, from my own straw poll, if the adults of this country don't push for unification, the younger generation will never want it. My students aren't fond of one Korea, but my bar friends still hope for resolve. Sure, Kim Jong Ill is a nut. Sure, nukes are dangerous. But when push comes to shove - any launching site could be taken out in no time.

This is what gets me about nuclear politics. Those who have them won't give them up. Those who don't have them say it's not fair they don't. There is a whole load of nations who want them gone - period. Well, now, no middle ground there, huh? Until, enter Iran, or NK, get closer. Allies are made among those who have and those who want none. Bad policy. But then again, this is why I have the sovereignty of the nation-state. People get fucked, like the poor of NK.

And really, what is with the US stance against direct talks with NK? It's crazy. You have talks with those you DON'T agree with - that is diplomacy. No, instead the Bush Administration has ignored the calls for direct talks, despite Kim Jong Ill's threat of testing. Well, he followed through - and everyone acts surprised - bit naive, don't ya think?

posted by: Pensare at October 12, 2006 01:53 | link | comments (1) |

Thursday, 05 October 2006

BRILLIANT!

An Alternate 9/11 History

By staying 'humble,' as he promised in 2000, Bush preserved much of the post-9/11 good will abroad.

By Jonathan Alter

Newsweek

Sept. 18, 2006 issue - Five years after 9/11, the world is surprisingly peaceful. President Bush's pragmatic and bipartisan leadership has kept the United States not just strong but unexpectedly popular across the globe. The president himself is poised to enjoy big GOP wins in the midterm elections, a validation of his subtle understanding of the challenges facing the country. A new survey of historians puts him in the first tier of American presidents.

As Bush warned, catching terrorists wasn't easy, but he kept at it. At the battle of Tora Bora, CIA operatives on the ground cabled Washington that Osama bin Laden was cornered, but they desperately needed troop support. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld immediately dispatched fresh forces, and the evildoer was killed. While bin Laden was seen as a martyr in a few isolated areas, the bulk of the Arab world had been in sympathy with the United States after 9/11 and shed no tears. After their capture, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed and other 9/11 terrorists were transported to the United States, where they were tried and quickly executed.

Today, Al Qaeda remains a threat but its opportunities for recruitment have been scarce, and the involvement of the entire international community has helped dramatically reduce terrorist attacks worldwide. Because Bush believes diplomacy requires talking to adversaries as well as friends, even Syria and Iraq were forced to help. By staying "humble," as he promised in 2000, he preserved much of the post-9/11 good feeling abroad, which paid dividends when it came time to pull together a coalition to handle North Korea and Iran.

At home, some aides suggested that Bush simply tell the nation to "go shopping." But the president knew he had a precious opportunity to ask Americans for real sacrifice. He took John McCain's suggestion and pushed through Congress an ambitious national-service program that bolstered communities and helped train citizens as first responders.

Soon Bush put the country on a Manhattan Project crash course to get off oil. He bluntly told Detroit that it was embarrassing that Chinese automakers had better fuel efficiency, he classified SUVs as cars, and he imposed a stiff gas tax with a rebate for the working poor. To pay for it, he abandoned his tax cuts for the wealthy, reminding the country that no president in history had ever cut taxes in the middle of a war. This president would be damned if he was going to put more oil money into the pockets of Middle Eastern hatemongers who had killed nearly 3,000 of our people. To dramatize the point, he drove to his 2002 State of the Union address in a hybrid car. Sales soared.

When Karl Rove suggested that the war on terror would make a perfect wedge issue against Democrats in the 2002 midterms, Bush brought him up short. Didn't Rove understand that bipartisanship is good politics? Lincoln and FDR had both gone bipartisan during wartime, he reminded his aide. So when evidence of torture at the prison camp in Guantánamo Bay surfaced and Rumsfeld was forced to resign, former Democratic senator Sam Nunn got the job. With post-9/11 unity still at least partially intact in 2004, Bush was re-elected in a landslide.

Taking a cue from Lincoln's impatience with his generals, Bush was merciless about poor performance on homeland security. When the head of the FBI couldn't fix the bureau's computers in a year's time to "connect the dots," he was out. And Bush had no patience for excuse-making about leaky port security, unsecured chemical plants and first responders whose radios didn't communicate. If someone had told him that five years after 9/11 these problems would still be unsolved, Bush would have laughed him out of the office.

In 2003, Vice President Cheney advised the president to take out Iraq's Saddam Hussein militarily. But Bush was beginning to understand that his veep, while sounding full of gravitas, was in fact reckless. When it became clear that Saddam posed no imminent threat, Bush resolved to neuter him, Kaddafi style. When the president found, after a little asking around, that the 10-year cost of invading Iraq would be a crushing $1.2 trillion, he opted out of this war of choice.

Five years after that awful September day, even Bush's fiercest critics have learned an important lesson: leadership counts. Imagine if we'd done the opposite of these things. This country—and the world—would be in a heap of trouble.

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14753927/site/newsweek/from/RS.2/

posted by: Pensare at October 05, 2006 17:24 | link | comments |

The more time that passes, the more I enjoy being in this space and time. It's not Korea so much, I think we can all get along pretty much anywhere. Instead, I think it's more 'controlled wandering'. I'm making more money now than before, so there's one large worry eliminated. I'm also trying teaching on as a profession, something I haven't committed to schooling for. And, I've always wanted to move out of the States, travel more. So really, things should be looking up - and for the most part, they are. Are there issues? But of course! These issues followed me here, they're just a part of me. No amount of moving can rid you of yourself.

Let's move to the topic of love for a moment. I want to be in love and I hate that fact that I do want it so badly. I'm a cynic, I'm a feminist, and I'm rational, but I ache for that connection. I don't know if it's just that mid-20s bug or if I'm losing it, but nonetheless, it drives me crazy. I've been thinking a lot about an ex of mine - let's go back in time some.

It all began the summer of 2004. I had started a new job with a local political organization, nothing special. I was marked right away by the organization. Tom, he was my co-worker, soon to be supervisor. We hit it off, in a very bizarre but natural twist of events. Only a week into my employment, he was sent to train in Jersey. A month later, after letters and phone calls from states away, we began dating upon his return. It lasted nine months.

Tom was a whooping 33 years older than me. He lived life times even before I was born. He had grown children, ex-wives, and a history with the law. From the outside, everything looked wrong. To outsiders, I had daddy issues and he was a borderline predator. And there were things that were wrong, my friends didn't even want to hear about him, and tell my family? - Never. Then there were his issues with drinking.

So, I led with the rough stuff - but honestly, one of the best relationships. We communicated wonderfully, about everything. Sunday mornings were my favorite. He'd make breakfast and bloody marys and we'd sit and watch Meet the Press. Then, we'd go for coffee and discuss the NY Times. Our relationship was strong and purely based on our enjoyment of each other. But of course, it was never a relationship that would survive, and it didn't. It just became too difficult - us against the world.

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